Can I just take a moment to be frank? As if I didn’t complain enough already, why does life throw so many lemons at me.

Never in my entire life have I been more suicidal, more depressed than the last two months alone. Never in my life has the urge to just end it all been so great. Every time I said I’d kill myself before this doesn’t even compare. I don’t have a single ally in this entire world. I don’t have a single sympathizer. They say to stand up for what you believe in even if you’re standing alone. It’s too hard.

You haven’t responded to a single post since the one where you only responded to thomas’s part. You’ve ignored me on aim. You’ve ignored me on facebook. I don’t have any other close friends that haven’t already left. I’m tired and I’m miserable. I plea for help and you ignore me. Would you regret it if when I killed myself, you knew deep down you could have stopped it?

I’m so close to quitting vivien. I can’t take it anymore. I hate life, I hate everything. I just asked for your help, your guidance, and you mercilessly ignored me. As if things weren’t going bad enough already. You find any excuse to get mad at me. what the **** did i do earlier today that made you not want to talk anymore? If any other human being in existence asked if you if the party was on monday, you would have gladly answered. why do you TRY to hate me. Why can you get along with every other person but you specifically choose me to vent your anger at so i have zero chance of becoming your best friend again? 

You’re pushing me to the limit. Beyond the limit. I can’t fucking take it anymore.

I asked you to help me.

You fucking kicked me on the floor.

I asked you to respond to my posts so i knew you cared

You ignored me.

You won’t respond to this one either I bet. If you do it probably won’t have anything to do with the point. 

six months ago we were hubby and wifey, best friends, everything was going fine

Now i’m on the brink of suicide once again.

Why do you hate me so much

I want more than anything to be close to you again

Life renders me to tears every single fucking night

Do you know how painful it is

At least at retreat I was worried about your crying. I was too afraid to do anything because I knew it was probably about me and i’d only make things worse.

You don’t give a fuck about me these days.

You make me miserable. You make me cry every single night. You make me have nightmares.

But I still love you as much as I ever have.

I still love you as much as a giraffe is tall, and i would still catch a grenade for you.

I fucking quit. I can’t take it anymore. 

Remember the suicide closet I burned down in our make - believe apartment?

remember ropey?

RESPOND

TO

THIS

AND

GIVE

ME

SOMETHING

TO

LIVE

FOR

BEFORE

I

DO

SOMETHING

STUPID

LIKE

SUICIDE.