Thats

not

the 

point

do you pay attention to anything else in my posts?!

you only pay attention to the parts about him

whereas i asked you to respond answering my question.

You find the very minute details that you can use against me to get mad over

stop victimizing me

forget I said anything about that 

it’s not even important 

every single

effing thing i do

you get mad at me over

you can get along with every other person

but you just get angry with me, over nothing

why do you specifically villify me

why do you have to hate me like this

why do you have to pour salt on already burning wounds

why do you have to kick me when i’m already on the floor

here I am gagging over my own tears

miserable

on the floor

pathetic, weak, spineless

only asking for a friend, my old friend.

is a friend really too much to ask of

you have tons of them

yet I can’t have one true, good one.

Oscar thinks he can sympathize with me. He thinks he knows what I’m feeling because he feels the same way. he told me he’d feel horrible when your WF pictures came up too. he told me he’d start cussing if he saw you guys PDA at his birthday.

I’m sorry, but he doesn’t have a clue.

I have nothing to turn to except this tumblr, in hopes you’ll read my pleas, after who knows when. 

and you choose to pick the one aspect about him, at the very end of my post

to chide me over

I don’t care if you want to condemn me to hell for eternity.

I know you have at least a shred of human compassion in you, a part of you that is still the vivien I knew before she went to Beckman, the one I loved dearly, and prayed would never leave me.

I know you have at least a molecule in your heart that still cares about me.

Find it.

And respond to the post like I asked you to. Give me a sign you still want to talk, to be best friends, that you remember our deals.

If you care about me at all.

It’s true I want to go to a dance with you because of him. I told you that myself, you don’t have to yell it at me. But it isn’t the point. 

I’m not a drama queen.

I’ve just experienced real pain.

When you’re on the floor, crying your eyes out, no one to help you, no one to turn to; your best friend is out with her friends, anyone else who would care doesn’t, you don’t know what’s keeping you from killing yourself, you wish hope would just go away so you could end it all

then you can come talk to me.

for now, just respond like I asked you to. I just want my best friend, not a million dollars.

For pete’s sake.